the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
