It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm at about main and main street
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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