Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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