You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
