So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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