it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
