Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
