Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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