Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
