Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
