she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
