saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
