My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
