i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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