I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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