Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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