No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
