her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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