she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
