if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
