so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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