I love black thongs
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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