she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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