Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You dont lie about slip and slides
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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