I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
