Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
