i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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