I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
