the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
