I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
