so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
