left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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