I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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