i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your penis caused this!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
