We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
