This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
