Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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