VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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