U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i permit you to call me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
