My nipple is on Facebook.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
