her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
