just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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