There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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