apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
