I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
