I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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