1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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