is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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