Please don't use social media to get back at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I touched a dick in church today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy