So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
