i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.