I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
