Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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