sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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