the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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