Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
