My hand turned me down
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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