She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
