And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
