I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.