I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
