How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet