I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
her facebook's as public as her vagina
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?