alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
