I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
