I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
