Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Only a mothe r could love this liver
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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