just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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