At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
