so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this hospital has no fireball
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
