I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
