I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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